Omer 2024 Day 38

Day 37 | Day 39

Day 38: Tiferet in Yesod, Beauty in Foundation

One of the things that I find so fascinating about the week of yesod is the idea that the omer is all about growth and change, while also being firmly rooted. What is foundational to your sense of self? What can you change? How will you grow and what are the connections to your past self that you want to maintain as you grow?

Omer 2024 Day 37

Day 36 | Day 38

Day 37: Gevurah in Yesod, Strength in Connection

My Grandpa Earl used to take us to the park near his house that had a little bridge over a drainage ditch. We liked to drop rocks into the water, but there was only enough water to make a splash if it had rained a lot recently, so it was usually dry or just muddy. In those cases, he would make splashing sounds with his mouth from small "plops" to loud "PLUNKs" and everything in between.

There is a creek behind my house and my kids have inherited the near-universal human desire to throw rocks into it. This creek, being an actual creek and not just a drainage ditch, always has water in it, but I still like to mimic my grandpa and put a little extra oomph into the splash their rocks make, and as I do, I tell them about Grandpa Earl.

I tell my kids stories like this about their great-grandparents all the time. I tell them about painting watercolors with my Grandma Loretta, decorating cookies with my Grandma Ruby, and watching baseball and eating donuts with my Grandpa Howard. Each story is a cherished memory, and as I share my past with them, I hope they will draw strength from the fact that love endures beyond death, that the legacy of their great-grandparents can reach them even if they never met, like ripples in the creek reaching the shore.

Omer 2024 Day 36

Day 35

Day 36: Chesed in Yesod, Lovingkindness in Foundation

It seems a little odd to put the week of foundation/connection near the end of the omer. Shouldn't the foundation be first? As we discussed yesterday, recalling how far we've come is an important part of this journey (of any journey, really). It is easy to recall our foundation and our connections to the past when we are close to it. It's much harder to maintain our hold on our foundational stories and our connections to our ancestors as they recede further into the past. Having the week of yesod here, toward the end, prompts us to look back, even as we continue forward.

Jewish tradition teaches us that, just as each of us must see ourselves as personally having come out of Egypt, each of us personally stood at Sinai. Time collapses in on itself and every Jew throughout time (past, present, and future; Jewish from birth or by conversion; everyone who ever was or will be Jewish) was there at Sinai to receive the Torah from God. In that sense, it makes sense that the week of yesod is placed where it is, close to the end, close to Shavuot, where time bends to bring us all together.

Omer 2024 Day 35

Day 34 | Day 36

Day 35: Malchut in Hod, Leadership in Glory/Humility

One of the things that I find really meaningful about counting the days between Passover and Shavuot is how it connects them so intentionally and concretely. If Shavuot was just given to us as a date on the calendar, instead of a day that needed to be counted up to daily, it would be so easy to lose the relationship between the two holidays.

Think of it this way: this year, Thanksgiving will be on November 28, and then 50 days later is January 17 (the Friday of MLK weekend). By the time it's MLK weekend, are you still thinking at all about Thanksgiving? On Thanksgiving, we are grateful for family, friends, and food. We are grateful for the helping hands of strangers who get us through hard times (if we have thought at all about the traditional story of the Pilgrims and the American Indians). But by MLK weekend, does that gratitude inform how we commemorate MLK's legacy? Probably not. We're in a different season by then and, to be fair, Thanksgiving and MLK Day are not meant to be connected, like Passover and Shavuot. But even connected as they are with a daily count to remind me of that connection, I'm still distracted by other things. It's the end of the school year, my tomato plant needs daily watering, the pool has opened, I need to submit summer camp paperwork, and we're making summer vacation plans. If these two holidays weren't explicitly connected, I wouldn't be thinking of it at all anymore.

What does this mean for leadership in glory/humility? It's important to remember where we have come from as we move forward. Recall our humble roots, be grateful for our advantages. On Shavuot, we will celebrate the Torah and being chosen (again) by God to be God's people. And on that day, we must also recall that we made it to Sinai after a long journey, through slavery, after God took us out of Egypt with a mighty hand. Our journey should make us humble, but also make us proud of all that we have accomplished to get to this moment.

Omer 2024 Day 34

Day 33 | Day 35

Day 34: Yesod in Hod, Foundation/Connection in Glory/Humility

As we get closer and closer to Shavuot, I'm starting to think about the foundation of our relationship with God, as a people and personally. The Jewish people's relationship with God is very much mirrored in the concept of hod - both awe-inspiring and humbling.

Omer 2024 Day 33

Day 32 | Day 34

Day 33: Hod in Hod, Glory/Humility in Glory/Humility

We began this week by noting the inherent complexity in the word hod and its seemingly contradictory translations as both glory and humility. Today is a day to embrace your own contradictions and begin to see them not as opposites, but as integral and necessary parts to your wholeness as a person.

Omer 2024 Day 32

Day 31 | Day 33

Day 32: Netzach in Hod, Endurance in Glory

Take a minute today to list your best qualities. Write them down somewhere and read them whenever you need a boost to get you through a difficult time.

Omer 2024 Day 31

Day 30 | Day 32

Day 31: Tiferet in Hod, Beauty in Glory/Gratitude

Today, I would like to offer an excerpt from my conversion diary:

December 1, 2010

I realized today that God had answered a prayer for me when God finally brought me to Judaism. Kind of a divine revelation. For a year and a half I struggled with Judaism - how it is a religion and a culture, the fact that I didn't know Hebrew, the concept of sitting shiva, or the fact that the major holidays are emotionally wrenching. Every week at services, I asked God to give me a spiritual connection to something. I was paranoid that everyone knew I wasn't Jewish and I felt out of place. I look back on it now and it seems so stupid. Of course everyone knew I wasn't Jewish, but they included me in everything anyway. I was the one who put myself on the outside. Every week, I would go and feel awkward and pray for God to give me a spiritual connection. The problem was that I believed the tenets of Judaism, but didn't feel connected to it. I would leave services humming Lecha Dodi and say, "That was fun, but I don't feel closer to God," as if a relationship with God could be built over the course of one Kabbalat Shabbat service. I was so hung up on the things I didn't understand and my own discomfort, that I couldn't see the beauty of the relationship that was unfolding.

And then one morning I woke up and none of those things bothered me anymore. I've learned enough Hebrew to follow along at a reasonable pace. I understand the communal support structure of shiva that brings healing to the mourner. I found deep meaning in the introspection and hunger of Yom Kippur. Each of these things clicked a while ago, but I only realized it today, because I caught myself thinking about Judaism's dual nature as a religion and culture, as if I had never struggled with the concept at all. So, thank you, God, for answering my prayers so subtly that I didn't even notice it.

I spent so much of my early exposure to Judaism second-guessing myself, feeling out of place and self-conscious. I spent so much time begging God to give me a sudden epiphany that I didn't see the beauty of my Jewish life growing around me until I had been living it for a while. This is beauty in glory and gratitude. Never doubt that you are enough. Never give up on the life you want. Never stop striving for God. And be open to the beauty coming both gradually and all at once. 

Omer 2024 Day 30

Day 29 | Day 31

Day 30: Gevurah in Hod, Strength in Glory/Humility

Humility allows us to make an honest assessment of our strengths and weaknesses. It is very difficult to be successful without a little bit of both glorious self-promotion and humble self-awareness of our limitations. Hod, this balance of glory and humility, makes us open to change and growing into a stronger self.

Omer 2024 Day 29

Day 28 | Day 30

Day 29: Chesed in Hod, Lovingkindness in Glory/Humility/Splendor/Gratitude

The week of hod is a week of complicated feelings. If your journey of transformation hasn't been complicated yet, this is the week it gets real. How do you embody glory and humility, splendor and gratitude? The further we go into the omer, the closer we get to God, and the more we are asked to encompass seeming contradictions like these within ourselves.

Each week begins with chesed. We need to begin with lovingkindness, because transformation is hard, but it is easier when starting from a place of kindness and compassion. This week, we are reminded that lovingkindness is not as simple as it seems. This day asks us to show lovingkindness at our glorious highs and at our humble lows. It asks us to balance our own splendor with gratitude and to navigate this life with kindness toward ourselves and others.

As we journey through the week of hod, let's embrace the complexities it brings, striving to embody humanity's contradictions and to do so with kindness at the forefront of our actions. In doing so, we not only grow closer to God but also contribute to a world that is more compassionate, beautiful, and kind.

Omer 2024 Day 28

Day 27 | Day 29

Day 28: Malchut in Netzach, Leadership in Endurance

This week, we've focused on patience, resilience, and transformation as forms of endurance. These qualities not only sustain us individually but also fortify our communities and institutions. In years past, I've used the concept of Malchut in Netzach to examine leaders throughout history whose legacies have endured or who have risen to leadership in trying times. This year, though, I want to shift the spotlight from these great leaders to the essential role each of us plays in holding our leaders accountable.

Our communities and institutions endure not only by the power of visionary leaders who steer the ship, but also because of the dedicated individuals who show up with their passions and voices. This enduring legacy is a collective effort that keeps us (and our leaders) pointed in the right direction. Great leaders should thrive not in isolation, but within the context of engaged constituencies.

This year, let's focus on the power we each hold as individuals. Let us embrace our responsibilities, exercise patience and resilience, and strive to change ourselves and our communities for the better.

Omer 2024 Day 27

Day 26 | Day 28

Day 27: Yesod in Netzach, Foundation in Endurance

Building endurance requires consistency and patience. Endurance is as much about physical stamina as it is about mental and emotional resilience. When you're going through a hard time, it can really clarify what is important and foundational to your happiness. Hold onto those essential parts of yourself and your life as you get through whatever you're going through.

Omer 2024 Day 26

Day 25 | Day 27

Day 26: Hod in Netzach, Humility in Endurance

The more you know, the more you are aware of all the things you don't know.

Omer 2024 Day 25

Day 24 | Day 26

Day 25: Netzach in Netzach, Endurance in Endurance

What are you enduring right now? What are you just barely getting through, and who is helping you get through it? Don't forget on this day of endurance in endurance that it's ok to ask for help.

Omer 2024 Day 24

Day 23 | Day 25

Day 24: Tiferet in Netzach, Beauty in Endurance

My 6-year-old is reading The Phantom Tollbooth with my husband and they are nearing the end. Milo has reached the princesses he set out to rescue after a very long journey.

"It has been a long trip," said Milo, climbing onto the couch where the princesses sat; "but we would have been here much sooner if I hadn't made so many mistakes. I'm afraid it's all my fault."

"You must never feel badly about making mistakes," explained Reason quietly, "as long as you take the trouble to learn from them. For you often learn more by being wrong for the right reasons than you do by being right for the wrong reasons."

"But there's so much to learn," he said, with a thoughtful frown.

"Yes, that's true," admitted Rhyme; "but it's not just learning things that's important. It's learning what to do with what you learn and learning why you learn things at all that matters."

There are many points in each of our journeys where we could give up. We could get stuck in ignorance or tedium, or spend our time doing someone else's work, or arguing in circles. But the world around us is more interesting, engaging, and beautiful when we take time to learn from all of our experiences.

Omer 2024 Day 23

Day 22 | Day 24

Day 23: Gevurah in Netzach, Strength in Endurance

This week's Torah portion is Emor, where we read about counting the omer. This particular section tells us each of the holidays and the dates on which they fall. We're given a calendar date for each of them...except for Shavuot.

These are the set times of God, the sacred occasions, which you shall celebrate each at its appointed time: In the first month, on the fourteenth day of the month, at twilight, there shall be a passover offering to God, and on the fifteenth day of that month יהוה’s Feast of Unleavened Bread. You shall eat unleavened bread for seven days. (Lev. 23:4-6)

... 

And from the day on which you bring the sheaf of elevation offering—the day after the sabbath—you shall count off seven weeks. They must be complete: you must count until the day after the seventh week—fifty days; then you shall bring an offering of new grain to God. (Lev. 23:15-16)

We could easily calculate 50 days from the second day of Passover and know that Shavuot falls on the 6th of Sivan, but God doesn't give us that date as God does with all the other holidays. Instead, Shavuot is deliberately tied to Passover by the process of counting the seven weeks of the omer. We count the omer from Passover to Shavuot in order to mirror our leaving Egypt/slavery and reaching Sinai/receiving the Torah. It reflects our movement from slavery to freedom, from the narrow place (Mitzrayim) to God.

Those seven weeks give us time to have the narrow Egyptian/slavery mindset stamped out of us as a people. God recognizes that 400 years of life in Egypt made an impression on our collective mindset, and that it will take time to change ourselves and our thinking. By forcing us year-after-year to count the days from Passover to Shavuot, instead of just putting a date on the calendar, God forces us to be conscious of the connection between the two holidays. Receiving the Torah is all the more meaningful because of what God did for us in Egypt and because of our journey through the wilderness to reach God. It is a reminder that our people endured 400 years of slavery and 49 days in the wilderness before coming into the strength of our relationship with God.

Omer 2024 Day 22

Day 21 | Day 23

Day 22: Chesed in Netzach, Lovingkindness in Endurance

Snap judgements. We all make them. Sometimes somebody just rubs you the wrong way upon first meeting. But this week's focus is on endurance and longevity. What happens when we take the time to get to know someone? Often, our snap judgements are proved incomplete. Getting to know someone beyond that initial interaction can lead to a better understanding of the person and, maybe, genuine friendship.

Today, try to reserve judgement of others until you have a more enduring relationship and better understanding. Leave room for kindness to take hold in new relationships.

Omer 2024 Day 21

Day 20 | Day 22

Day 21: Malchut in Tiferet, Leadership in Balance

This week's Torah portion is Emor, which begins with the laws regarding the proper behavior of the kohanim. Kohanim are not allowed to touch a dead body (with exceptions for certain relatives). There are limits to the ways they can cut their hair and beards and the people they can marry. Kohanim with disabilities (blindness, physical birth defects, or broken limbs) are not allowed to offer sacrifices.

When God speaks to Moses, it says "God said to Moses: Speak to the priests, the sons of Aaron, and say to them... (Lev. 21:1)

But when Moses repeats the laws, it says, "Thus Moses spoke to Aaron and his sons and to all the Israelites." (Lev. 21:24)

Why tell all the people the laws that only pertain to the kohanim? Most of the commentaries (including Rashi, Steinsaltz, and Chizkuni), offer some variation on the theme of oversight. That the reason the people are told these laws is so that they can ensure that the kohanim observe them and keep themselves from bringing a sacrifice to a kohein with a broken leg.

Leadership needs to be balanced. Leaders need to have checks on their power, and also others who know their responsibilities of leadership to ensure those responsibilities are being fulfilled.

Omer 2024 Day 20

Day 19 | Day 21

Day 20: Yesod in Tiferet, Foundation in Beauty

My synagogue is celebrating its 60th anniversary this year. It has been a privilege to be part of this growing, vibrant community. Speaking with founding and long-term members, it's easy to see the pride and care that they feel for the community they started and shepherded to this moment. Marking this anniversary was as much a look back at the foundation of the synagogue as it was a celebration of its present and future. It is an intergenerational community with high levels of engagement. The beauty of our synagogue can be seen not only in Shabbat and holiday ritual life, but in the social, educational, and volunteer opportunities where our congregants show their dedication to this place and their sense of ownership and belonging, whether they joined 60 years ago or 6 months ago.

Omer 2024 Day 19

Day 18 | Day 20

Day 19: Hod in Tiferet, Humility in Beauty

Teaching a four-year-old to play a sport is one way to teach yourself humility. My daughter is learning t-ball and she already knows everything. I want her to choke up on the bat? No, she's going to hold the bat at the bottom. Her coach wants her (and all the other kids) to stop playing in the dirt? No, the dirt is fun. All the adults have said she needs her mitt to play catch? Nah, she's good. She can be particularly stubborn (I have no idea where she got that).

One would think with how much the parents and the coaches argue and repeat ourselves, that the level of baseball skill would stay about the same. But, no, the kids are all improving. Even when they're yelling about how they don't need to hold the ball by their ear, because they can just throw it from their chest, they're still somehow picking up the lessons. And the next week, the dirt is less interesting and they all grab their mitts when asked, and they mostly hold the ball by their ear when they throw (choking up on the bat is still out of the question, however). It's humbling and beautiful to watch my daughter learn this game that I love and that my family has loved for generations.

Omer 2024 Day 18

Day 17 | Day 19

Day 18: Netzach in Tiferet, Endurance in Balance

In 2015, I used the story of the Tortoise and the Hare to illustrate endurance/victory in balance. Slow and steady wins the race; pace yourself.

But this year, I want to talk about the times when there is something in your life that just endures no matter how you try to balance it. Not everything has an answer or a fix. Learning that I can't just overcompensate for a persistent problem has been a really hard lesson for me, because my natural inclination is to look for solutions. But, just as it is important to pace yourself, it is equally important to know your limits. Don't let a bad situation drag on and eventually drag you down too.

Omer 2024 Day 17

Day 16 | Day 18

Day 17: Tiferet in Tiferet, Compassion in Compassion

On each day that an attribute is paired up with itself, I like to turn it inward. Show yourself compassion today and it will be easier to show compassion to others. More often than I'd like, my bottled up frustrations and self-doubt bubble outward and affect my responses to others. Take a moment today to let go of something difficult that you've been internalizing, so that you can be more compassionate to yourself and, in turn, to others.

Omer 2024 Day 16

Day 15 | Day 17

Day 16: Gevurah in Tiferet, Strength in Balance

Once during a team-building exercise for an organizational training day, me and my fellow employees were split into groups, given straws and marshmallows, and told to build something stable. Most groups built some form of cube-like house structure, which wobbled precariously. But two groups built triangular pyramid structures that provided much more stability. It reminded me of something I learned early in my conversion classes.

I remember learning about the "stool" of three things on which the world stands. In my memory, those three things are: Torah, God, and Israel (the place and the peoplehood). I can't find a source for those particular three things now that I'm looking for it, but there are quite a few "threes" in Jewish thought, so I'm going to count this one among them. The source that I found for this "stool" is actually a concept from Pirkei Avot (the Ethics of our Fathers) 1:2. "Shimon the Righteous was one of the last of the men of the great assembly. He used to say: the world stands upon three things: the Torah, service to God, and acts of lovingkindness."

Basically, a chair needs at least three legs to stand. The structure of three is stable and balanced. One or two of the legs won't hold up the chair without the others. Our faith is not as strong when we only focus on one aspect of it.

Omer 2024 Day 15

Day 14 | Day 16

Day 15: Chesed within Tiferet, Lovingkindness within Beauty/Balance/Compassion

It is easy to love beautiful things, to show kindness in the face of compassion, and to be loving when your life is balanced. It's much harder to show lovingkindness when life is hard. And yet, lovingkindness has the power to restore beauty and balance and compassion to the world when they are lacking. When life throws us off balance, lovingkindness can bring us back to center.

Omer 2024 Day 14

Day 13 | Day 15

Day 14: Malchut within Gevurah, Leadership within Justice

Leadership that prioritizes justice and fairness creates environments where people feel valued and empowered. These leaders encourage diversity and inclusion, recognizing that different perspectives and experiences strengthen our communities.

How do you welcome different perspectives into your life? How do you seek and uphold justice?

Omer 2024 Day 13

Go Back to Day 12 | Skip to Day 14

Day 13: Yesod within Gevurah, Connection within Strength/Justice

Today is Yom HaShoah, Holocaust Remembrance Day. It is incumbent upon each of us to never forget the atrocities of the Holocaust, to recall the lives of those who were murdered, and to lift up the voices of survivors. This day reminds us to maintain our connection to the past and not let it recede into a distant and detached other time and place. We have lessons to learn from this history. Painful lessons about hate and oppression and humanity's capacity for violence. Inspiring lessons about resilience and courage and humanity's capacity for hope. We are strengthened by these connections to the past, even when the memories are painful. And it is our responsibility to carry the memories of those who were murdered, to maintain the connection between their lives and ours, and strengthen our resolve to fight evil and injustice in their names. 

Omer 2024 Day 12

Go Back to Day 11 | Skip to Day 13

Day 12: Hod in Gevurah, Humility in Strength

No matter how strong we are, there is inevitably something beyond our power. Natural disasters can bring powerful cities to a halt, illnesses and accidents can take down even the healthiest of us, and unexpected economic downturns can turn steady jobs into unemployment pretty quickly. But facing these possibilities with humility helps us to strengthen our position and the world around us. We develop stronger infrastructure to withstand nature, develop vaccines and medical treatments to prevent or treat illnesses, and build a network of personal and professional contacts to help us get through unexpected professional and financial setbacks.

Omer 2024 Day 11

Go Back to Day 10 | Skip to Day 12

Day 11: Netzach in Gevurah, Eternity/Endurance in Strength

Last night, my husband and I were listening to Spotify and the song "Playas Gon' Play" by 3LW came on. Halfway through the song, I was belting out the chorus like no time at all had passed since I'd last listened to it, when he asked me, "What year did this come out?" With only a few seconds of thought, I answered (correctly), "2001." Isn't it crazy how 2001 was only yesterday?

In all seriousness, people have a complicated relationship with time. It seems to bend or stretch or contract depending on our moods. Add to that the Jewish understanding that we all (past, present, and future Jews) went out of Egypt and we all were there at Sinai when God gave us the Torah, and eternity takes on new meaning. The malleability of time connects us to our foundational stories, to our history, to those who came before us, and to those who will come after us. While my time and your time on earth are finite, we collectively are infinite. Our ability to see ourselves in time and to place ourselves throughout time is one of the strengths of Jewish peoplehood.

Omer 2024 Day 10

Go Back to Day 9 | Skip to Day 11

Day 10: Tiferet in Gevurah, Balance in Justice

The Israelites' journey from slavery to freedom is a story of liberation, resilience, and community. Yet, what makes this journey intriguing is the nuanced concept of freedom that it presents—a freedom that is not devoid of constraints, but necessarily intertwined with them.

The seven weeks of the omer mark the period between the Exodus from Egypt and our arrival at Mount Sinai, where God gave us the Torah. We are moving toward a relationship with God, and all the mitzvot (laws/commandments) of the Torah. This begs the question: What does it mean to be free?

Freedom is often perceived as a lack of restrictions, but what the omer and the Torah teach us is that true freedom is not found in the absence of constraints but in the ability to navigate them. As my kids get older, they gain more freedoms (drop-off play dates, later bedtime, more decision-making power for themselves), but there are still limits. Their new freedoms are intertwined with new responsibilities, and they (and me too, really) need to learn to adjust to the new rules.

The Israelites were freed from slavery and then given the choice to become klal Yisrael (the community of Israel). Community only works with limits and rules. Unchecked autonomy leads to chaos and anarchy. Freedom together, collectively, requires balancing individual needs with community needs. The mitzvot help us create a society by providing guidelines for ethical conduct and justice and fostering a sense of community.

The seven weeks of the omer give us space to reflect on our own paths toward freedom—both individually and collectively—and to embrace the balance between liberty and responsibility.

Omer 2024 Day 9

Go Back to Day 8 | Skip to Day 10

Day 9: Gevurah in Gevurah, Strength in Strength

There are many types of strength, as we will explore over the course of this week of gevurah and over the course of the omer. As we delve into the layers of strength within strength, it becomes apparent that there are various ways we can amplify our strengths within our lives.

Earlier this week, when I asked my daughters what strength means, they both made a muscle. Physical strength is often the most visible and obvious form of strength. Engaging in activities that strengthen our bodies, not only builds muscle but also boosts our endurance and overall happiness (think about all those endorphins). One of the constant complaints we hear from the Israelites in the desert is about their physical discomfort: the lack of food and water, the heat of the desert and the years of wandering. And once they make it to Israel, they will turn in fear of the physical size of the land's inhabitants, and refuse to enter. The fear of being weaker than their opponents will condemn them to another 40 years in the desert.

It is emotional strength that enables us to weather the storms of life without losing our sense of self. Having emotional strength is about being self-aware. It provides us with the perspective that helps us see the different layers of strength within ourselves and move forward with confidence in the world. The Israelites who saw themselves as grasshoppers compared to the giants living in the land of Israel could have used more emotional strength to help them manage their fears.

By recognizing our strengths and working to strengthen those aspects of ourselves that we see as weaker, we can overcome challenges and grow.

Omer 2024 Day 8

Go back to Day 7

Day 8: Chesed within Gevurah, Lovingkindness within Strength

Last week, we discussed how we find strength in kindness. Today, we are looking at the reverse: seeking kindness in strength.

While we established last week that kindness and strength are not opposing concepts, they often feel like they are. We often expect less kindness from strong people, less emotion, less empathy. We often expect strength and power to harden people, and conversely assume that kind, empathetic people are less strong. If you're a fan of the show Ted Lasso, this is a theme that the show played into quite effectively. Ted is overly kind and, as such, is often misjudged by those around him. This scene of Ted playing darts with his boss' ex-husband (who is not a good guy, in case you couldn't tell from the context) is a good example:

Kindness has a way of making us think that people are weak or can be walked all over. But showing kindness, even when we have the upper-hand (perhaps especially when we have the upper-hand) is the kind of strength to which we should aspire.