Omer 2024 Day 3

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Day 3: Tiferet within Chesed, Balance within Lovingkindness

Think back a few days to your seders. I'll bet the table was beautifully set. I hope there was a balance of reading and questioning, thought-provoking discussion, and good food. I hope you were surrounded by the lovingkindness of family and friends. I don't know about your seder, but at my seders, the Four Children always prompt a lot of discussion. There is always a joke made about whoever is chosen to read the Wicked/Rebellious Child. Sometimes we remark on the difference between the Wise Child and the Wicked Child both using "you," instead of "us" in their questions. A new Haggadah at our table this year (The New American Haggadah by Jonathan Safran Foer) included a commentary about the Four Parents that was both insightful and hilarious. Are the children each different stages of life? Does each of the Four Children live in each of us, each a part of the whole that make us human? How do we balance the insatiable curiosity of the Wise Child with the seeming disengagement of the Child Who Does Not Know How to Ask, or the disrespect of the Wicked Child with the simplicity of the Simple Child?

On the third day of the omer, we look for balance within kindness. In thinking about and responding to each of the Four Children, we must balance our own responses to meet the child where they are. We might want to give a detailed history of our peoplehood and freedom to the Wise Child, eager to engage the interested child in our customs, but then the rest of our guests (and the other three children) would be bored and hungry. We might want to send the Wicked Child to time out for the disrespectful tone used in front of grandma, but instead, we give an answer that places the child still within the Exodus story of our Haggadah, so that even the rebuke teaches the story. The Haggadah reminds us to answer the Simple Child with simple language, and not to ignore the Child Who Does Not Know How to Ask just because the child isn't asking questions. It is this balance, rooted in a parent's love for their child (whether that child is meeting our expectations or not), that makes the Four Children such an interesting and engaging topic to discuss at the seder. The Four Children teach us how to balance those aspects within ourselves and how to respond with care when we see it in others.