Shavuot 2019

Back to Day 49 of the Omer

Thank you for counting with us! As we prepare to celebrate Shavuot by eating too much ice cream and studying well into the night, we hope that our animal Omer entertained you, taught you something about animals that you didn't know before, and also helped you discover something new about yourself. Whether you want to try to become more patient, fight against inequality, work on collaborating better with friends and coworkers, or start a petition to make the turkey our national bird, we hope that the diversity of the natural world has inspired you to grow.

This year's animal Omer was a collaboration between myself and my friend Halli, a PhD in animal science. Thank you for counting the Omer with us. See you next year!

Converting the Children of Converts

Last week, I used this blog to answer a question about converting for marriage that was posed during a Shavuot discussion at my synagogue. Today, I want to try to answer another question from that forum:

Do you plan to take your future children to the mikveh to convert them when they are born?
I've heard this question asked before as "Would you convert your children according to Orthodox Judaism when they are born?" I'm not entirely sure of the thought-process behind the question, but as far as I can tell, it is simply an extension of our existential struggle to define who is a Jew and it exposes the ripple effect that these debates have for future generations. I have to imagine that it also stems from a misunderstanding of the conversion process in the different movements of Judaism.

To be completely honest, I find the question pointless. Either, as a female convert, I am Jewish and therefore, my children will be Jewish or the question implies that my Jewish status is not transferable, which, to be fair, it is not in certain circles. The hard fact is that my conversion is not accepted everywhere. I am not Jewish by Orthodox standards, so by matrilineal descent, my children won't be considered Jewish in the Orthodox world either.

To be considered Jewish in every movement,* I would have to undergo an Orthodox conversion and take on an Orthodox lifestyle. I have considered converting again, even consulted an Orthodox rabbi about it, but in the end I decided that Orthodox life is not for me. I am happy with the Conservative Jewish life I have and I am accepted as a Jew by those standards. If I were to undergo an Orthodox conversion simply to be able to say that everyone considers me Jewish, it wouldn't be sincere. I am not strictly shomer shabbas or shomer negiah, nor do I want to cover my hair or give up my short sleeves and jeans. For me to convert in the Orthodox movement (at this point in my life, at least) would be a lie.

Given that I am not planning to undergo an Orthodox conversion personally, the point becomes moot when talking about my future children. For one thing, I highly doubt you could find an Orthodox rabbi willing to convert an infant if that rabbi didn't consider me to be Jewish and we were not planning to raise the child in an Orthodox household. Second, if I didn't convert in the Orthodox movement and don't plan to raise my children in an Orthodox community, what would be the point of converting them to Orthodoxy? If it is just so that no one can question their Jewish status, then I refer you back to my own reasons for not pursuing an Orthodox conversion.

The short answer to this question then is no, I don't plan to convert my children. If I consider myself Jewish and my community considers me Jewish, then my children will be Jewish by the same measure.

If my children grow up and decide to become Orthodox, they will have to undergo their own conversion process. Hopefully, growing up as a Jew in a Jewish home will make that process easier for them, should they choose to pursue it.

*The Orthodox community is not a cohesive organization and not all converts are recognized as legitimate Jews by different rabbis within Orthodoxy. Even if a convert is universally recognized by the American Orthodox establishment, the Israeli rabbinate may not accept them.

Converting for Marriage

Last month, I co-led a discussion about Ruth and modern-day conversions for Shavuot with my synagogue's young professional group. Their questions about conversion and life in the Jewish community as a Jew by Choice were insightful and thought-provoking. This question in particular has stuck with me.

How do you feel about people who convert for marriage?
Three years ago, Rabbi Cosgrove at Park Avenue Synagogue in New York proposed a new approach to Conservative conversions that he hoped would solve the movement's intermarriage crisis: convert the non-Jewish person right away for the marriage. He seemed to think that if both parties were Jewish, even in name only, they would become a "Jewish household." I took exception to his plan at the time and I still think that it would be detrimental to those converts, like myself, who chose to convert to Judaism for ourselves. What Rabbi Cosgrove failed to acknowledge is the stigma surrounding conversion for marriage, which is seen by many in the Jewish community as a sign of the person's insincerity, lack of commitment to the Jewish people, and/or unthinking adoption of a Jewish identity that they don't full understand.

So how do I feel about converting for marriage? Personally, it makes it harder for me as a convert, because there will always be people who assume that I converted for Marc and attach that stigma to me. I've worked hard over the years to learn and grow Jewishly, to develop an identity and place for myself in the Jewish community, so to have it written off as a decision that Marc made for me in a way is hard.

Part of me would like to think that cracking down on conversion for marriage would alleviate the stigma, but I know that people come to Judaism in all sorts of ways. A recent article in defense of those who convert for marriage proves that being motivated by love for an individual does not preclude one from developing a sincere, personal commitment to Judaism. After all, Ruth's conversion was prompted by her love for Naomi, but it blossomed into her acceptance of Judaism, the Jewish people, and God.

I will struggle next week with another frequently asked question: should a convert have to convert their children?

Omer 2016 Day 49: Ruth

What is the Omer? | Go back to Day 48

Day 49: Malchut in Malchut, Leadership in Leadership
We made it to the end of the Omer! Tonight is Shavuot, the holiday that celebrates our receiving the Torah at Sinai after the exodus from Egypt. But before we celebrate our physical and spiritual freedom with cheesecake and late-night learning, we have to reflect on the 49th day of the Omer, leadership in leadership.

At our Passover seders 49 days ago, we all sat around our tables and read from the haggadah, "In every generation, each person must see himself or herself as if he or she personally experienced the Exodus from Egypt." Over the past 49 days, we have counted the Omer as if we were on a personal journey from slavery to freedom. It is also said that every Jewish person who had ever or would ever exist was present at Sinai when God gave us the Torah. Much of Judaism is about the collective - praying together, studying together, eating, mourning, and celebrating together - but I am reminded today that it is also an intensely personal experience. Each Jew understands Judaism in his or her own way. Each Jew embodies the seven sephirot of the Omer differently. Each of us comes with our own lens on the world which causes us to interpret the Omer differently. Even from year to year, my perspectives on the days of the Omer have changed as my experiences have changed.

Leaders must be able to balance the personal and the communal, their personal goals with the welfare of the people they lead. As the first convert, Ruth stands as the model on which conversions are based, a perfect example of leadership in leadership.

"Wherever you go, I will go; wherever you lodge, I will lodge; your people will be my people, and your God my God." (Ruth 1:16)

She is leadership in leadership, because her choice to convert shows an understanding and acceptance of this fundamental piece of Jewish life and leadership. She not only undertook a new personal identity and life, but also embraced the fact that doing so would make her part of the collective Jewish people.

Count the Omer 2015: Day 49

Go back to Day 48

Day 49: Malchut within Malchut, Leadership within Leadership

What does it mean to be the chosen people, a light unto the nations? Tonight, we will celebrate Shavuot with Torah study and cheesecake to commemorate God giving us the Torah at Mount Sinai. The Torah is meant to guide our lives, to tell us how to live a good, moral, and holy life, and in doing so, to bring us closer to God. We are meant to be a nation of leaders. We value life, freedom, education, hard work, etc, and we are meant to model those values for others. We lead by example and teach others to be leaders too. 

If that sounds easy, it's not. There is a reason that malchut within malchut falls on the last day of the Omer. Sometimes it is easier to do a task for someone than to teach them to do it for themselves, but a good leader is able to teach others to do and think for themselves.

Mazel tov! We've made it to the end of the Omer and hopefully gained some insights into ourselves and the world around us.

Count the Omer 2015: Day 25

Go back to Day 24  |  Skip to Day 26

Day 25: Netzach within Netzach, Endurance within Endurance

We have hit the half-way point today, everyone! There are just 25 days left until Shavuot and I am reminded today of Nachshon. According to midrash, Nachshon was the hero of the Sea of Reeds. When the Israelites were fleeing Egypt and reached the Sea of Reeds, they feared that they were trapped. Moses prayed to God for help while the Israelites refused to move forward into the water. Nachshon (who by some accounts was afraid to swim) strode forward into the water and only when the water had reached his head without him turning back did God split the sea.

Netzach within netzach and the story of Nachshon remind us that endurance can breed endurance and that if we have faith in our own power and in God, we can reach new shores. At the halfway point of the Omer today, it is good to look at how far we have come while charging headlong toward our goal.

Count the Omer 2014

It's Passover, which means it is time once again to start counting the Omer! If you will recall from last year, the Omer is the period between Passover and Shavuot when we count from day one on the second night of Passover to day forty-nine. In Temple times, this seven-week period was the barley harvest between the Passover offering and the Shavuot offering (learn more at My Jewish Learning).

In today's context, these seven weeks represent the journey from slavery (Passover) to freedom (receiving the Torah at Sinai on Shavuot). Accordingly, Kabbalah mimics this Biblical journey by considering the counting of the Omer as a time of reflection and personal growth. Each week and day is assigned one of seven sephirot (characteristics) that we should try to improve. They are:

1. Chesed - Loving-kindness 
2. Gevurah - Strength, Justice 
3. Tiferet - Balance, Compassion 
4. Netzach - Endurance, Ambition 
5. Hod - Gratitude, Humility 
6. Yesod - Foundation, Connection 
7. Malchut - Kingdom, Leadership

HomerCalendar.net has a great calendar and the daily blessings for you to keep up with counting the Omer (bonus: Simpsons quotes!). Last year, I blogged all the days, which was fun and also very time-consuming. So this year, while I will be doing my own personal reflection, I am taking a different approach online. I encourage you to count the Omer and reflect, daily or weekly, on ways that you can improve yourself in the seven sephirot. For a refresher, feel free to check out my posts from last year. If a day or week hits you with particular meaning, please feel free to share your thoughts in the comments.

Happy counting!

Count the Omer Posts, 2013

1. Chesed sheb'Chesed, Loving-kindness within Loving-kindness 
2. Gevurah sheb'Chesed, Strength within Loving-kindness 
3. Tiferet sheb'Chesed, Harmony within Loving-kindness 
4. Netzach sheb'Chesed, Ambition within Loving-kindness 
5. Hod sheb'Chesed, Gratitude within Loving-kindness 
6. Yesod sheb'Chesed, Foundation within Loving-kindness 
7. Malchut sheb'Chesed, Kingdom within Loving-kindness 
8. Chesed sheb'Gevurah, Loving-kindness within Justice 
9. Gevurah sheb'Gevurah, Strength within Restraint 
10. Tiferet sheb'Gevurah, Harmony within Restraint 
11. Netzach sheb'Gevurah, Endurance within Strength 
12. Hod sheb'Gevurah, Humility within Strength 
13. Yesod sheb'Gevurah, Foundation within Strength 
14. Malchut sheb'Gevurah, Leadership within Power 
15. Chesed sheb'Tiferet, Loving-kindness within Balance 
16. Gevurah sheb'Tiferet, Power within Beauty 
17. Tiferet sheb'Tiferet, Harmony within Harmony 
18. Netzach sheb'Tiferet, Endurance within Compassion 
19. Hod sheb'Tiferet, Gratitude within Compassion 
20. Yesod sheb'Tiferet, Connection within Compassion 
21. Malchut sheb'Tiferet, Leadership within Compassion 
22. Chesed sheb'Netzach, Loving-kindness within Ambition 
23. Gevurah sheb'Netzach, Strength within Endurance 
24. Tiferet sheb'Netzach, Compassion within Endurance 
25. Netzach sheb'Netzach, Ambition within Endurance 
26. Hod sheb'Netzach, Gratitude within Ambition 
27. Yesod sheb'Netzach, Foundation within Ambition 
28. Malchut sheb'Netzach, Leadership within Endurance 
29. Chesed sheb'Hod, Loving-kindness within Majesty 
30. Gevurah sheb'Hod, Justice within Humility 
31. Tiferet sheb'Hod, Beauty within Majesty 
32. Netzach sheb'Hod, Ambition within Humility 
33. Hod sheb'Hod, Humility within Majesty 
34. Yesod sheb'Hod, Foundation within Gratitude 
35. Malchut sheb'Hod, Leadership within Humility 
36. Chesed sheb'Yesod, Loving-kindness within Connection 
37. Gevurah sheb'Yesod, Power within Connection 
38. Tiferet sheb'Yesod, Harmony within Connection 
39. Netzach sheb'Yesod, Endurance within Connection 
40. Hod sheb'Yesod, Majesty within Connection 
41. Yesod sheb'Yesod, Connection within Connection 
42. Malchut sheb'Yesod, Kingdom within Foundation 
43. Chesed sheb'Malchut, Loving-kindness within Kingdom 
44. Gevurah sheb'Malchut, Strength within Leadership 
45. Tiferet sheb'Malchut, Harmony within Leadership 
46. Netzach sheb'Malchut, Endurance within Kingdom 
47. Hod sheb'Malchut, Humility within Kingdom 
48. Yesod sheb'Malchut, Foundation within Kingdom 
49. Malchut sheb'Malchut, Kingdom within Kingdom

Shavuot and Ruth

When I was little, I loved the stories from the Old Testament. My favorites were Daniel and Joseph, but I could recount the basic stories of others too. Noah and the flood, Sarah's barren woes, Moses leading people to freedom. But I couldn't tell you anything about Ruth. I learned most of my Biblical knowledge as a child from a book called My Little Bible, which told Bible stories from the Old and New Testaments in 10 sentences or less. The stories were meant to summarize complex Biblical people and events into lessons for toddlers. As you can imagine, summarizing the Bible in language for little kids can be hit or miss, but I think most of the stories did a decent job of getting to the general point. For example, here is the story of Esther:

Brave Queen Esther

Haman hated God's people, the Jews. He tricked King Xerxes into making a law to kill all the Jews. Esther was the queen, and King Xerxes loved her. But Esther was a Jew. She bravely told the king about Haman's trick. The king became angry and had Haman killed. Brave Esther had saved God's people.

Point to Esther's crown.

This story, and most of the others, explains who the main characters are, how they are related, and the motives for their actions. Haman is hateful and somehow connected to the king. Esther is Jewish and brave. Knowing these facts is essential to understanding what happens in the rest of the story. This, on the other hand, is the book's summary of Ruth:

Ruth and Naomi

Ruth married Naomi's son. But the son died. Then Ruth and Naomi moved to a country called Judah. Naomi's cousin Boaz lived there. He had a big wheat field. Boaz let Ruth pick up grain from his field to feed Naomi. Boaz soon married Ruth. And they had a son named Obed. Naomi took care of Obed.Do you know any babies?

I read these nine sentences over and over, but the story just didn't make sense to me. I wanted to know why Ruth lived with her mother-in-law instead of her own family and why they moved to Judah. I didn't understand why Naomi took care of Obed instead of Ruth and Boaz. Besides all that, I couldn't find a point to the story and every other Biblical story I knew seemed to have some kind of lesson. So I gave up on Ruth. I didn't come across her again until years later when I was planning to convert to Judaism and then suddenly Ruth had a point. The story of Ruth is a conversion story.

"For wherever you go, I will go; wherever you lodge, I will lodge; your people shall be my people, and your God my God." Ruth 1:16

Today is Shavuot, when we read the story of Ruth (the whole story of Ruth), and thus it is a time to talk about Jews by Choice. Over the past week or two, your local Jewish paper likely featured an interview with a convert or an opinion peace about welcoming the "other" into our communities. You will probably also find a story entitled "Shavuot: The Neglected Holiday" or "What is Shavuot?"

Shavuot is a learning holiday. It is an all-night Torah fest. You come together with others to pray, read and discuss texts, eat cheesecake, and then learn some more. These are all things that I love. I also love Shavuot because it allows me to connect to the Jewish people in a way that is often difficult. Much of Jewish life is generational, but Shavuot highlights the idea that there is a Jewish soul within every Jew, whether they were born Jewish or chose Judaism, and that we were all at Sinai. It is also the favorite holiday of many converts to Judaism, because of its connection to Ruth. Since my conversion, I have come to understand and appreciate Ruth in a way that I never would have otherwise. So this Shavuot, I celebrate the Torah and Ruth.

Count the Omer: Days 39 & 40

Days 37 & 38 | Day 41

Day 39: Netzach sheb'Yesod, Endurance within Connection

"'Look toward heaven and count the stars, if you are able to count them.' And He added, 'So shall your offspring be.' And because he put his trust in the Lord, He reckoned it to his merit." Genesis 15:5-6

This promise exemplifies endurance within connection. Through Abraham's connection with God, he gave birth to a nation as numerous as the stars, a nation that has endured the tests of time. Nowhere, however, does God promise that those offspring will remain Jewish. Two years ago, Rabbi Eric Yanoff in the Main Line suburbs of Philadelphia, gave a d'var about passing on Judaism.

"Every generation," he said, "fears that it will be the last generation of Judaism." Not through some horrific event, like the Holocaust, but through a failure to connect with the next generation. Every generation fears that they will somehow fail to pass on their Jewish values, to engage the incoming generation in Jewish life in a meaningful and long-lasting way.

We are quickly approaching Shavout, a holiday that is all about connection. Shavuot celebrates the receiving of the Torah at Sinai, the establishment of a lasting relationship between God and the Jewish people. Each year, as we celebrate by eating cheesecake and staying up all night to learn and study, we create that connection with God all over again.

Day 40: Hod sheb'Yesod, Majesty within Connection
The Torah is a guide for our lives. It details relationships between individuals, between tribes, and between Israel and God. In just ten days we will celebrate the day that God gave us the Torah, thus providing us with a manual for how to connect with God and with others, and how to incorporate Judaism into our daily lives.