Politics, Pain, and Prayer

I unfriended my uncle on Facebook yesterday. I'm sure that he believes it is because we disagree (to put mildly) on almost every political issue, but I have many family members and friends with whom I disagree politically and it has never come to that. This is not really the appropriate place to get into the reasons we aren't "friends" anymore, but I mention it because trying to express myself to my uncle, whose callous disregard for experiences and feelings that are not his own has often left me frustrated, finally helped me put into words the emotions that I have been struggling with since Tuesday night. Much of the feelings below are excerpted from the last Facebook conversation I will ever have with my uncle.

First, of course, I am disappointed that Hillary didn't win, though I am heartened by the fact that she won the popular vote and won my home state of Illinois and my current home, Virginia. I am confident that her vast experience in law and government would have served this country well.

Along with that disappointment is fear. Many, myself included, are now grappling with a President-Elect whose campaign was built on tearing us down. Donald said, among many other insults that: women are either sex objects or else we are pigs who are bleeding out of our "wherevers;" Mexicans are rapists and drug dealers; Muslims celebrated 9/11 and are all terrorists; the disabled are deserving of mockery; Jews control the "global power structure;" African Americans all live in crime-ridden poverty in the inner cities; and I could go on. I am afraid as a Jew and as a woman. I am afraid not just for myself, but for friends and strangers dealing with bigots, misogynists, and racists - on Twitter and in real life - who feel emboldened by Donald's brand of "political incorrectness," which is really just a way of saying that they can't be bothered to be kind to others. I am afraid for us and for future generations, to whom we have sent the message that civility and truth do not matter. Our presidents have always been deeply flawed men, but they are role models nonetheless, in whom we hope to find some kernel of decency for our children to emulate and aspire to. I fear for a nation of children who might emulate Donald's pride in ignorance and his dismissiveness if not outright hostility to his opponents. He belittles people with whom he disagrees rather than addressing their concerns. He has no regard for the truth, facts, or grammatically-correct sentence structure. He has a huge ego. Sadly, this has gotten him far in life, but I would personally like to achieve success in a better way and I would hope that we expect better of the next generation.

Since I will be stuck with him as our president for the next four years, I have to hope that my fears will prove to be unfounded. But it is on Donald to build the bridges that he burned with women, minorities, and so many other people who are hurt and afraid. Trust and respect must be earned and he has a long way to go before he has earned that from me.

I will leave you with the Prayer for Our Country from Siddur Sim Shalom, the prayer book of Conservative Judaism, which I think we need now more than ever:

Our God and God of our ancestors: We ask Your blessings for our country, for its government, for its leaders and advisors, and for all who exercise just and rightful authority. Teach them insights from Your Torah, that they may administer all affairs of state fairly, that peace and security, happiness and prosperity, justice and freedom may forever abide in our midst. 

Creator of all flesh, bless all the inhabitants of our country with Your spirit. May citizens of all races and creeds forge a common bond in true harmony to banish all hatred and bigotry and to safeguard the ideals and free institutions which are the pride and glory of our country. 

May this land under Your Providence be an influence for good throughout the world, uniting all people in peace and freedom and helping them to fulfill the vision of Your prophet: "Nation shall not lift up sword against nation, neither shall they experience war any more."

Omer 2017 Preview: Go Cubs Go

Before I was done Counting the Omer* last year, I was already planning my blog for next year. Over the past few years, I've blogged my counting, including last year when I paired each day of the Omer with a woman from the Tanakh. 

For 2017, I decided to pair each day with a song and I have been slowly filling up next year's Omer calendar with songs that embody the seven characteristics we examine each year. I add to my spreadsheet whenever a particular lyric or the overall message of a song strikes me and so far I have 29 days accounted for! On May 2, I wrote a blog post for Day 22 of Omer 2017, chesed in netzach or love in victory.

***

Day 22: Chesed in Netzach, Love in Victory
"Go Cubs Go" by Steve Goodman

Go Cubs Go

Go Cubs Go

Hey Chicago, what d'you say?

The Cubs are gonna win today

Win or lose, I love my Cubs. Someday, the Cubs will win the World Series and generations of faith will be rewarded. You can bandwagon when that day comes, but true fans will get a taste of something incredibly rare and special.

***

When I wrote the above blog post, the Cubs were 18-6, just one month into the season. On Opening Day, April 4, as I do every year, I posted this:

Every year for 27 years of my life, I have earnestly believed that it would finally be the Cubs' year. I had faith, despite over 100 years of collective Cubs fans' heartbreak, that it would happen for us. Of course, no matter how promising the seasons seemed at the outset, none had actually ended in a World Series win for the Cubbies for 108 years in a row, so I wrote the post above assuming that this year would end in bitter disappointment, just like 2015, 2007 and 2008, 2003 (damn it, Bartman!), 1998, and so on all the way back to 1908. But no matter how often the Cubs ripped my heart out, I was always ready to say with complete confidence the next Spring: This is the year!

Then, an amazing thing happened: 2016 really was the year.

In what should certainly go down in history as the best Series ever played, the Cubs and Indians poured their hearts into the game. It had everything: curveballs, sliders, and 103-MPH fastballs; stolen bases and grand slams; Bill Murray, LeBron James, Eddie Vedder, and Charlie Sheen, just to name a few super-star fans of each team; tear-jerker interviews with elderly fans on both sides who have been waiting decades for a World Series win (the last time the Cubs won it all was 1908; the last time for the Indians was 1948); and then just in Game 7, a lead-off home run, a wild pitch that allowed two runs, a 17-minute rain delay, extra innings...You can't say both teams didn't give it their all up to the very end.

We won two days ago and I'm still reeling. I'm all smiles and tears of joy. I wish my grandpa could have lived to see it. I wish I could be in Chicago to see the river dyed Cubbie blue and sing "Go Cubs Go" in the street with strangers. I would go through all the gut-wrenching errors, runs given up, and Joe Buck drivel just to relive the feeling of Bryant throwing to Rizzo for that last out. I can't wait to do it all again next year!

*Beginning on the second night of Passover, we count 49 days, ending on the 50th day with Shavuot, the holiday that celebrates our receiving the Torah at Sinai. According to Kabbalah (Jewish mysticism), there are seven sephirot or characteristics (loving-kindness, strength, beauty, endurance, splendor, foundation, and leadership) that align with each week and each day of the Omer, so that as we count each day, we can reflect on the intersections of these sephirot within ourselves and hopefully achieve some measure of personal growth.

No, we are not ALL Jews by Choice

Me (and other Jews by Choice): "I am a Jew by Choice."
Jew by Birth: "We're all Jews by Choice."
Me: *cringe*

In the April 2013 issue of Sh'ma, Rabbi Justin Goldstein explained an increasingly common idea - that we are all Jews by Choice. This was not the first appearance of this sentiment and certainly not the last, but Rabbi Goldstein summarized the idea so well: "In our world, even the most stringently observant wake up each morning and make a choice, even if not a conscious choice, to be a Jew and live a Jewish life."

There is plenty of evidence to support this idea - the ease of assimilation into mainstream American culture and rising rates of intermarriage make it easier to simply stop practicing Judaism or performing Jewish culture. Maintaining a Jewish identity in a world where it is so easy not to is necessarily an active choice that we all make. I understand that sentiment and I even agree with it. But I take issue with Jews by Birth laying claim to the phrase "Jew by Choice" as a way to express this idea.

To that Jew by Birth above who says, "We are all Jews by Choice," let me say once and for all, no, we are not.

I want to give him the benefit of the doubt and believe that when he says this, he means well. He means to include me, to say that we are the same, and I appreciate that.

But it often feels like he is erasing a need that I have in that moment. I could just introduce myself as a Jew to him and frequently I do. When I "out" myself specifically as a Jew by Choice, it is usually because it is relevant to the conversation, often as a way for me to explain a gap in my Jewish knowledge. Maybe we're talking about summer camp or Hebrew school or any of the other childhood activities for which I have no first-hand experience. Maybe we're talking about family traditions surrounding Passover or he's recalling his bar mitzvah. Maybe it's December and I'm talking about going home to be with my family for Christmas. In that moment, I need him to understand a difference between the two of us that exists because I came to Judaism later in life and he did not.

This common interaction is why I have stopped using the phrase "Jew by Choice" to describe myself, sticking instead, when need be, with the term "convert."

***

This is on my mind at the moment because of a series of posts that have been floating around the internet this summer about the phrase "Jew by Choice."

The first, written by a woman who converted to Judaism, appeared in Lilith Magazine in June, and chronicles the author's personal Jewish journey and distaste for the term "Jew by Choice." She argues that: "The phrase 'Jew by Choice' is meant to be affirmational, but instead erases the ambiguities of my experiences and the experiences of so many others...How can I do anything but reject a term that dichotomizes what should be a messy spectrum?"

At the end of July, Mosaic Magazine posted a response. This author (I'm not sure if he is a convert, but if I had to guess, I would say he was probably born Jewish) dislikes the term "Jew by Choice," because "the term conveys a false idea of what Judaism is about. Judaism is about a people—and no people can be a people, much less remain one, without a sure sense of itself that can in the main be provided only by birth, parenting, and belonging to a community from an early age. One can join a people only if there is a people to join—and only if one understands that choosing to join it is more than a matter of selectively identifying with some of its beliefs."

Finally, a third author who was quoted in the Mosaic piece, responded with an attempt to clarify or more fully flesh out his experience of converting to Judaism. "I became Jewish because I hold a set of convictions that I see rooted in the Jewish experience...Of course, I understand and positively appreciate that my being Jewish also connects me to a people and makes me part of a broader community."

I highly recommend reading all of these pieces in full.